But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
