It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
