it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
