first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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