booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
