I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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