Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
