i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Randomize
