the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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