AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
