Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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