I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
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