I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
