Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
