just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
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This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
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A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
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