I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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