I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.