he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
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