Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
