i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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