I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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