Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
