We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't turn off my feet"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize