I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
