I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
