I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
