he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
