worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
