just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
