census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
