I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This house was built for laser tag.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I'm too high and old for this...
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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