there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
