I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
