she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
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Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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