I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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