So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize