I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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