the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
