If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
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