i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
