I murdered the dance floor call the cops
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
