too bad you live with your parents still
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
