No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
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He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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