I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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