thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
