Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
