"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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