there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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