There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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