So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
