When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Randomize
