this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
