I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
