My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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