My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
