I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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