bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
