every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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