when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
we're chasing vodka with high fives
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
sex in a hospital.. check
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
