okay pat passed out under dana's car
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
