can u get pink eye on your cock?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
