i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
