how can u be prego again
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
