Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
