I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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