There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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